Nascosto in un elegante edificio in un quartiere ricco di Manhattan, era un appartamento disordinato pieno di giovani tossicodipendenti. Questa è la storia della loro battaglia con la dipendenza, e se stessi, alla ricerca di qualche forma di redenzione.
Jessie: Sometimes its scary, like I think I’m OD’ing. There’s many times where I’ve done it, I’ve shot and I’m like, “Wow this might be it.” I think I’ve caught myself out of dying many times. I’ve had my phone in my hand getting ready to dial 911.
What makes me go back? Oh, cause I convince myself I’m not going to go that far again, or whatever. I’ll just do a little bit less.
Dionn: All I was thinking about was, I wanna get high. I wanna get high. You know, I wanna get high. I guess the junkie life was what I wanted. I had really no other aspirations. I just never tried to do anything. The only thing I really wanted to do was, you know, get loaded, and sit around and do nothing. So that’s what I did.
Jessie: What was it like the first time I did heroin? I’ll never forget it. My roommate’s door was open a little crack and it was like in the movies or something. There was the candle and the spoon over the candle. And I just did it.
And I remember leaning back. And I was on a cloud. And there was not a worry in this world. It just relaxes you. Takes away any of the concern. No fears. No worries. It doesn’t do that forever. After awhile you’re just doing it to stay straight, to stay normal. And you’re not getting the same effects anymore. And then that’s why they say you’re chasing, the first hit. Cause then you’re just doing it to try and get that same feeling that you got in the beginning. But you never really get that. You may get glimpses from time to time. But you never really get that.
Dionn: You know I was on 120 milligrams of methadone when she was conceived. By the time she was born I was on fifty. And now I’m completely off.
I’m not stupid. I don’t think anyone owes me anything. I know that everything I did I made my own choice about it. And that’s what sucks real bad. You know, I got a daughter now that looks at me like I am just the best thing. And so I just have to look at her and be like you have no idea. And it’s just, it’s scary to me, you know? I’m 31 years old. And I have no education. I mean, I look at her and I figure I’ll do anything for her. Yeah. And I just, I just you know, I pray, from now on I’ll be able to pull it together correctly. I think I’ve came a long way. But not nearly far enough. Not nearly far enough yet.
And she’ll just wake up in the morning and like, and she’ll just give a big smile. And no matter what kind of mood you’re in you can’t be upset. They’re just…[baby sounds]…just so perfect. You know? I mean… It makes you think about life completely different. There’s not any decision I could ever make again without her being the top of the priority. Because you’re just that good. You just got so much goodness in you. And it also let’s you really see that human beings are inherently good. We learn bad. I mean, there’s nothing bad in this little girl, I mean, you know, it’s just, she’s just nothing but good. Right?
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